Satisfying Lonergan's Honor Read online

  “Yeah, it’s me, Mom.”

  “Oh, good,” Catherine said, bustling into the room, still primping her hair. “I wanted to talk to you before I left.”

  “Left?” Donna tossed her purse onto the blue-and-white, pin-striped couch. “Where’re you going?”

  Spinning around to face a mirror, Catherine ran the tip of her manicured finger over her eyebrows, each in turn, then grinned at her daughter. “Michael and I are going away for the weekend.”

  Yep, Donna thought, good to be back home. Important for mom and I to have some time together.

  “The weekend?” she said aloud. “Together?”

  Her mother frowned slightly. “I’m a big girl, Donna. I know what I’m doing.”

  “Fine, fine,” Donna muttered, dropping onto the couch. “But I thought the three of us would go out to dinner tonight.”

  “That’s sweet, honey,” her mother said, coming across the room to stand in front of her. “But Michael and I have had these reservations at a bed and breakfast since before you moved home. I can’t cancel on him.”

  “Of course not, but—” But what? She needed her mommy? How pitiful did that sound?

  “You saw Jake today.”

  Her gaze snapped to her mom’s. “How did you know that?”

  “Eric told me.”

  “Eric?” Donna’s mind raced. Sure, her son had seen Jake, but she hadn’t introduced them. Of course, Eric was a smart kid. He knew his father’s family lived in Coleville and there was enough of a resemblance between he and Jake that he’d probably noticed.

  She blew out a breath. She’d wanted to talk to Eric about the Lonergans. But she’d been waiting for the right time. The perfect time.

  Which, apparently was never going to appear now.

  “How did he know that was Jake? I didn’t introduce them or anything.”

  “He didn’t know the man’s name. But he described him, said he looked a lot like that old picture of Mac.” Catherine inspected her manicure. “And once he got to the part about the guy having a ponytail and a Marine tattoo on his arm, I knew who the mystery man was.”

  Donna sighed. “You told him it was Jake.”

  “Sure did.”

  Groaning, she asked, “What else did he tell you about seeing him?”

  “You mean besides the part about seeing you kissing Jake?”

  “Oh, God.” Donna dropped her head into her hands, remembering that fiery kiss and the hunger that had exploded between her and Jake. At the time, she hadn’t given the storefront windows a moment’s thought. This, she told herself, was what happened when you stopped thinking. “I’m an idiot.”

  “No, you’re not,” Catherine said, with a chuckle. “And Eric’s not scarred forever.”

  “I’ve got to talk to him,” Donna said, lifting her gaze to her mother’s.

  “He’s not here.”

  “Not here?” Donna straightened up on the couch. “Where is he? Still with Jason?”

  “No,” Catherine said, perching on the arm of the couch and reaching for her daughter’s hand. Giving it a pat, she said, “He came home a while ago, took his bike, then left again.”

  The concern in her mother’s eyes worried Donna. A sinking sensation opened up inside her as she forced herself to ask, “Where’d he go?”

  “To the Lonergan ranch.”

  “What?” She leaped up, pulled her hand from her mother’s comforting grasp and started pacing. She only got a few hurried steps away before she whirled around and asked, “Why?”

  Catherine gave her a long, steady look, one neatly arched eyebrow lifted in a silent question. “Why do you think? He wanted to talk to Jake.”

  “Oh,” Donna grumbled, grabbing up her purse and heading for the front door, “this is just perfect. Perfect.”

  “Donna, don’t overreact.”

  “I’m not overreacting,” she countered, glancing back at her mom, “Eric’s never seen me kissing a man. He’s probably furious. And embarrassed.” She paused for a breath. “Besides, I don’t want him hanging around Jake. Nothing good can come of that.”

  “Interesting.”

  “What?”

  “Oh,” Catherine said, smoothing her gray skirt over her knees, “just that you don’t seem to have any problems ‘hanging around’ Jake yourself. Funny that you’re so anxious to keep Eric from him.”

  Sunlight slanted in through the wide front window and painted a slash of gold across the cozy living room. Fresh flowers filled a tall, rectangular vase sitting in the middle of the coffee table and the scent of lemon polish hovered in the air.

  Donna drew on the familiarity, the warmth of the room to steady herself. How could she explain her feelings for Jake to her mother when she couldn’t explain them to herself?

  “The boy has a right to know all of his family,” her mother said softly.

  “I know that,” Donna said. “And I want him to know and love Jeremiah. To learn more about his father. It’s just that I don’t quite trust Jake.” There. She’d said it.

  “Uh-huh,” Catherine said, standing up and walking toward her, “are you sure it’s not more that you don’t trust yourself around Jake?”

  Donna blinked up at her. “Huh?”

  Catherine reached out and tucked a strand of Donna’s hair behind her ear. “Honey, even when you were kids, there was something there between you and Jake. Anyone with half an eye could see it all over his face every time he looked at you.”

  “Oh, my…”

  “In fact, the day you told your dad and me that you were pregnant, I fully expected to hear you say that Jake was the father.”

  “Mom,” Donna hid her surprise behind a look of outrage. “Mac was my boyfriend.”

  “Oh, I know that, dear. But you and Jake had a connection that you and Mac simply didn’t.”

  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She remembered all too clearly seeing the shocked look of disappointment on both her parents’ faces when they’d learned about her pregnancy. But she never guessed that her mother had been surprised at just who the father was.

  But then, if she hadn’t run away from Jake and everything he was making her feel that night, he would have been Eric’s father. Still the point was, she had run. Because Jake wasn’t the steady-boyfriend kind of guy. Heck, he still wasn’t.

  “I can’t believe you’re saying this to me,” Donna said, slinging her purse strap over her shoulder. “Connections? With Jake? I was only fifteen.”

  “But you’re not anymore,” Catherine said softly. “And even back then, when you were just a girl, I think you knew what you wanted. You were simply too afraid to admit it.”

  “You’re wrong, Mom,” Donna said quietly. “I wasn’t afraid to admit I wanted Jake. I just knew, even back then, that I shouldn’t want him.”

  “People change,” her mother reminded her.

  “No, they don’t,” Donna said, giving her a sad smile. Then she reached out, gave her mom a quick hug, said, “Have a good time,” then ran for her car.

  Rock music pounded from the small radio on the workbench in the Lonergan barn. Usually Jake had music playing as background noise while he worked. Usually, when he was working, a bomb could go off under his feet and it wouldn’t disrupt his concentration.

  Of course, today was a little different.

  Concentrating on a truck’s carburetor wasn’t easy when his lips were still burning and his blood was still pumping like thick, molten lava. He could still feel Donna’s smooth, silky skin against his fingertips. Feel the heat of her through the fabric of her jeans.

  And his groin was tight enough, hard enough, that he could hardly breathe with the wanting.

  He slammed the wrench he was holding down onto the cluttered workbench and stared blankly at the pegboard in front of him. Probably shouldn’t have gone to see Donna. He’d pried the lid off of emotions and sensations he’d been ignoring for years—and now he didn’t know if he could keep on ignoring them.

  Or e
ven if he wanted to.

  “Hey.”

  Jake spun around and looked into the face of a boy who was so much like Mac that for just one heart-stopping moment, he thought it was Mac. Come back from the dead to complain about Jake kissing his girlfriend?

  He shook his head free of the nonsense and concentrated on Mac’s son. “Hey, yourself.”

  The kid glanced around the barn as he walked slowly inside, pushing his ten-speed alongside him. Finally, though, he shifted dark eyes to Jake and looked at him for a long minute or two.

  “I saw you kissing my mother.”

  Ah, damn it.

  Jake scrubbed one hand against the back of his neck. Eric was only fourteen, but he’d come here like a man, not a little boy, so Jake would treat him like one.

  “I’ve known your mom for a long time.”

  “Yeah, I know.” The boy leaned his bike against the workbench and shoved both hands into the back pockets of his baggy jeans shorts. “You’re my father’s cousin.”

  “Yours, too,” Jake said.

  “I guess.” Eric shrugged, looked away, then sharpened another glance at him. “So why’d you kiss her?”

  Because he’d wanted her more than half his life? Because just standing in the same room with her was enough to make him as hard and horny as a teenager in the backseat of his daddy’s car?

  “That’s between your mom and me.”

  The kid scowled. “I don’t like it.”

  “Sorry to hear that,” Jake said, “but maybe if you get to know me a little, you won’t mind so much.”

  He considered that for a second or two. “Maybe. But my mom doesn’t want me coming out here to see you and the others.”

  “But you came anyway.”

  He shrugged. “To tell you I saw you guys.”

  This Jake understood. The need to protect. Defend.

  “I’m sorry you saw us,” he said, “but I’m not sorry I kissed her.”

  “You gonna do it again?”

  “If she’ll let me.”

  “She won’t.”

  “We’ll see.” Jake folded his arms across his chest, braced his feet wide apart and watched the boy. His heart ached with the old blend of regret and guilt. For so many years, he’d tortured himself over Mac’s death. Now, it was harder than ever. Not only had Mac missed living his own life, he’d missed knowing his son.

  “So is my grandfather here?” Eric asked, pitching his voice to be heard over the radio.

  “He’s in the house. Along with your dad’s other cousins.”

  “Yeah?” The boy looked back over his shoulder at the house. “Can I meet ’em?”

  He wanted to just say hell yeah. But instead, he heard himself say, “You said your mother doesn’t want you out here. So I’m guessing that means she doesn’t know you’re here now.”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Right.” Jake nodded, hiding a smile. “C’mon. I’ll take you inside so you can meet everybody. Then you can call your mom and tell her where you are.”

  “Okay,” Eric said. “But I still don’t like you kissing my mother.”

  “Understood.”

  Jake walked beside the kid, fighting the urge to drape one arm around those narrow, stiff shoulders and give him a hug. It wouldn’t be welcome at the moment. The kid was too confused, and too pissed off at Jake.

  But now that they’d finally connected, Jake was going to have to find a way to convince Donna to let them build on that connection.

  He wouldn’t lose this link to Mac.

  Donna pulled into the driveway of the Lonergan ranch and drove all the way around to the back of the house. She was hoping to just collect Eric and make a quick escape. Maybe, if she was very lucky, Jake wasn’t there at all.

  As she came around the corner of the house, though, she sighed and parked her car. Not only were the Lonergans out in force, but it appeared they were having a little celebration in Eric’s honor.

  No way was she getting out fast now.

  Already, Jeremiah was headed her way, a beaming smile creasing the lines on his face. In spite of everything, Donna was grinning as she climbed out of her car. She’d loved Mac’s grandfather as much as he had. And she’d missed him over the years. She closed the car door behind her and stepped into a bear hug from Jeremiah.

  “Donna, I’m so glad you came. Eric’s a little overwhelmed I think, by all the new relatives. He could use his mom around.” He pulled back, held her at arm’s length and gave her a smile. “Can I talk you into a barbecued burger?”

  She looked past Jeremiah’s shoulder to the picnic table under the shade of the old tree in a corner of the ranch yard. Cooper, Sam, Jake and Eric were all hovering around the barbecue, while smoke lifted and twisted in a brief wind. Sam’s fiancée, Maggie, was carrying a stack of plates from the house and another woman was standing guard with a fly swatter.

  A ping of something sweet and sharp jolted through her system as she acknowledged that by all rights, Mac should have been in the middle of that family gathering. Instead, though, his son was there. Discovering cousins he’d never met. Enjoying the grandfather he’d only known for a couple of months.

  Eric looked happy, surrounded by three men who looked so much like him. His eager gaze shot from one man to the next as he listened to them talk—no doubt they were telling him all sorts of stories about the father he’d never known. How could she tear him away? How could she prevent him from knowing his father the only way he ever would?

  “Donna?” Jeremiah asked quietly. “Will you stay?”

  She shifted her gaze to the lovely old man standing beside her and smiled. “I’ll stay. For now.”

  Six

  “Get your bike and put it in the trunk of the car,” Donna told her son as she handed him the keys.

  Eric’s head drooped and he looked up at her from under a fall of dark hair. “Are you mad that I came out here without telling you?”

  “You mean without asking me?” she corrected.

  “Okay, yeah,” he said with a shrug.

  “No,” she sighed. “I’m not mad. We’ll talk about it later.”

  He lifted his head and gave her a grin. “Okay.” Then he looked past her and called, “See ya, Jake.”

  Donna cringed a little as she heard the man come up behind her.

  “See ya, kid.”

  His voice was deep and close. Very close. Then Eric was gone and she was alone with Jake. She felt his presence so clearly, it was as if he’d touched her. And if he did, she thought, she just might jump right out of her skin. Every nerve in her body was strained to the breaking point already. All it would take was the slightest nudge to push her over the edge.

  Closing her eyes briefly, she tried to center herself with a little silent chanting. It didn’t work. For the last two hours, she’d been surrounded by Lonergans. Eric had loved every minute of it, but Donna had been a little too tense to relax that much.

  Sam’s and Cooper’s fiancées had been very nice and easy to talk to, but time and again, she’d been drawn into the conversations the men were having. Over barbecued burgers, the cousins and Jeremiah had told story after story about Mac—for Eric’s benefit, she was sure. And her son had lapped it all up eagerly. In just a short amount of time, he’d learned more about his dad than he had in all his fourteen years. Donna had done her best to tell him about Mac, of course, but hearing him talked about with such love and affection by his family, made the father Eric had never known, real as he’d never been before.

  But the memories dredged up had been hard for Donna to deal with.

  She’d seen in Jake’s eyes that he, too, was having more of a problem with the past than his cousins seemed to. More than once, their gazes had met across the table and pain, regret, had collided between them.

  Now he was standing right beside her and damned if Donna could think of a thing to say.

  “I’m glad you stayed,” he said, breaking the silence between them.

  She tore her gaz
e from her son, struggling to stuff the ten-speed into the trunk of her small car and looked at Jake. Instantly a flush of something hot and needy raced through her and it was all she could do to tamp it down deep. To help with that effort, she let her gaze slip past Jake to the house behind him. Lamplight filled nearly every window and the sounds of laughter drifted out the open back door.

  The night was clear and cool and every star seemed to shine more brightly than usual. Or maybe that was just Donna’s heightened senses playing games with her mind.

  “I only stayed for Eric’s sake.”

  “I know.”

  “It won’t happen again.”

  “Never say never.”

  Donna blew out a breath. “Jake, this afternoon doesn’t change anything. I still don’t want Eric hanging around you.”

  “Why the hell not?” His brows drew together as he folded his muscular arms across his broad chest. Glaring down at her, he waited for an explanation.

  She had one for him, but he wouldn’t like it. He’d already proved that earlier. “Because,” she started, “he’s young, impressionable.” She shot Eric a glance to make sure he was still out of earshot and satisfied, she turned back to Jake. “I saw the way he was watching you. Eyes all wide and interested every time you spoke. He’s already halfway to idolizing you and I won’t let that happen. You’re too…”

  “Let me guess,” he practically growled. “Dangerous?”

  “Well, yeah.” She folded her own arms across her chest, right under her breasts. Instantly she realized her mistake, since the action pushed the tops of her breasts higher under the scoop necked tank top she wore and Jake was enjoying the view way too much. She let her arms drop to her sides again. Lowering her voice, she said, “Eric doesn’t need to look up to you, Jake. He needs to find himself by himself. He needs to go to school, choose a career.”

  “And I didn’t?” Jake said, clearly stunned.

  “Please. You race motorcycles. That’s not a career.”

  One dark eyebrow lifted. “Been keeping tabs on me?”